One More Windmill

I had spent the week battling the teachers in my building, and I felt like Don Quixote after fighting windmills on my own. My will had been crushed, and I wasn't sure I was up to the "windmill" of my last class. My students had been rowdy all day, and I was just plain tired. I stood at my door and greeted my students, but there was no smile on my face. I felt weighed down by the mere effort of standing on my feet; my heart wasn't in it. All I could think was, "It's hot in my room. I'm tired. I hope the kids aren't hyper today. I need peace."

I had written the assignment on the dusty chalkboard; I put it there deliberately to minimize questions. I didn't want to touch or talk to another human being. I just wanted to put my finger to my lips for quiet and point to the lesson. It was as though some other being occupied my loving, giving, teaching body. I was feeling totally contrary to my normal self, and my students noticed right away.

"What's wrong, Ms. Hoskins?" asked Roosevelt, whose 6'4" frame barely fit into the student desk. He's also my protector and can usually bring a smile to my face with a flash of his pearly whites. During the year, his teddy bear presence had brought me comfort at the end of many a long day.

"I'm in a rotten mood, I guess," was my taciturn reply while I rubbed my forehead.

"How come? You need somethin'? You wanna talk about it?" he inquired, his brow wrinkling with concern as he crawled up to sit on top of his desk.

"Nah, I just need to frown for awhile, okay?" I replied, hoping he would let it drop.

"No way, Ms. Hoskins. You don't let US act that way! You make us smile and do our work. You can't do US like that!" piped up nasal-voiced Jackie, punctuated by finger-pointing, head-wagging gestures. I was stunned to hear this from her. Jackie was usually so wrapped up in her own world that her support almost overwhelmed me.

Next thing I knew, all of their beautiful faces mirrored Jackie's concerns, wondering how I'd respond. I looked back at them, sighed, tears burning my eyes, and said, "You're absolutely right. Why don't we do this together?"

Shoulders relaxed, smiles lit up, and the air lifted as our heads bent to the assignment, one more windmill. This time, though, we tackled it together.